just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
