either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
