I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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