If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
