Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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