Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
