3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think my fart just growled at me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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