I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
