For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
