Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
