in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
