I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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