Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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