i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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