I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
