i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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