My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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