thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
