we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
