dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
