Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
