Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
