I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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