Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
