I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
