i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
