matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
