Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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