i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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