You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
