I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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