my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
