I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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