I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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