I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...