Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This house was built for laser tag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.