I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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