we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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