Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.