he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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