I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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