You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
