me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
