Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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