after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
