im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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