There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
