If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
