I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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