hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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