It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
