The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
