One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize