Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
