we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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