dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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