remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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