Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
