found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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