I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
