Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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