Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
