My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
