that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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