when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
