Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
