What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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