i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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