Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
