I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
