i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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