you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
