I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
