I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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