I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
