I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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