I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
