Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't make out with my wife yet
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
