the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
