At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
