brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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