i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
