There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
