i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
